Warning...

All content contained within should be restricted to those over-age. Occasionally, suicide and self-harm are mentioned and readers should take care to ensure they are in a safe place - emotionally and physically - before reading. Comments are welcome.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

31 Tweets to Mark Butler - revision :-)

Well, this is my last day of "31 tweets to Mark Butler".  I've missed some days, and made up for it on others.  I've written some heartfelt tweets, and some I've just made up out of desperation to complete my task.  At the beginning, I had the chance to blog along with tweeting, however as I needed to be there for my family for various reasons, time alone to write became scarce (plus I had a few tummy bugs, the details of which you'll be glad I do not share).

I have had a few people join me on my quest to tweet every day for a month, and I thank them, for the journey (such as it was), was all the better for their company.

Here are my tweets to Mark Butler for the last 31 days.  I am not overly proud of what I've accomplished, mainly for my obvious lack of literary skills, however I set myself a challenge, and did my best to meet it without giving up.  Which is a hard thing to do, especially given that there is neither feedback, nor any apparent effect from my efforts.  Still - I have to do "something" - I have to "try".  I don't want to look back in five years time and think "oh, I should have done that.  If only I wasn't so scared".  I'm proud for not being scared.  I'm proud for trying.  I'm proud for trying something, instead of falsely assuming the world will right itself without my help or input.


Linda Wemyss

Welcome to 2012 :) Apologies - seems I made it this far after all *big grin* ... enjoy...
1 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Dear Meet Nicholas. He's six. No. 2
2 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Here's a blog for day three!
3 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Day Four. "Predictable". And with that - I'm off for some quality kid time :) Happy Wednesday Mark!
4 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Dear - blog is a little late today. Hope you've had a good one.
5 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Just in time for Day 5 - e-Mental Health - friend or foe?
5 Jan

Linda Wemyss

This time with link lol Just in time for Day 5- e-Mental Health - friend or foe?
6 Jan

Linda Wemyss

I'm tired today, so a standard "bite me" will have to suffice :-D
6 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Mental health nurses and rural mental health. Your #7 blog
7 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Hope you've had a good weekend. Many haven't - stressed over having to ration sessions for the next year!
8 Jan

Linda Wemyss

- Just in case you've forgotten :-P I did a blog, but it's not all that relevant to BA - it was about floods.
9 Jan

Linda Wemyss

- I am a person, and I paint
10 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Tweet 11 - Did a blog, but it's not a BA one. Had too good a day and don't want to spoil my mood thinking about BA future!
11 Jan

Linda Wemyss

provides people with the right help at the right time - and not according to bureaucracy or "boxes" per se.
12 Jan

Linda Wemyss

I'm hoping this wasn't an intentional effect... and I hope that people are OK :(
13 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Day 13 blog for you - why your rhetoric is bullshit ;-)
13 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Hey See the beautiful future of our mental health here... c/-
13 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Found out that my MI has cost me relationship with my extended family. can help others not exp this situation.
14 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Will ATAPS provide specialist counseling to new and old migrants to Oz? can!!!
15 Jan

Linda Wemyss

@
. Oh there you go again... You know a really good way way of doing that? Stop discriminating in mental illness funding!
17 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Dear Sorry,but you shall henceforth be known to me in my head as "Meatloaf".It's just gonna stick.I apologise!
17 Jan

Linda Wemyss

This week,2 young Aussies suicidal.1 received media attention.Other didn't.Headspace would only help 1-which 1 do u think?
18 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Cutting is bad for people. So do something about it, would you please?
20 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Just a reminder... In case you've forgotten :-)
20 Jan

Linda Wemyss

31 tweets to .
20 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. Time for your daily dose of me. Save and help get us back on our feet!
22 Jan

Linda Wemyss

"Lessons" Sort of the beginning of how I came to be a current pain the arse :)
23 Jan

Linda Wemyss

"Please do not underestimate the effects of on mental health." Geralyn Datz
24 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. There's so much pain in the world. Do we really need to add to it by cutting ?
24 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. I believe in your ability to find a way to make it work. Australians need you to stand up for and
25 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. 87000 Australians discriminated against for having 'wrong' mental illness or living rurally
26 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. It's my birthday today. Just saying...
28 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. Politics should be about helping people, not organisations that have little interest in the people.
29 Jan

Linda Wemyss

Everyone should have to mental health care that is right for their circumstances, not just some tokenism.
30 Jan

Linda Wemyss

. Time for revision :) Hope you've had a good month :)
31 Jan
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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Sigh... FFS, not again...

I'm clammy.  And hot, even though the air conditioner is on.  I have a massive headache, though that's nothing new.  Chest pains, can't breathe - you'd think I was having a heart attack, though we all know better.

And after hours of this...

I want to live.  I want to travel.  I want to play on the beach with my kids.  I want to watch them grow up, and take care of them while they do.  I want to tend my house, and play the 50's housewife while kicking the arse of anyone who tells me I should because I'm a woman.  I want to play sport, and go on bushwalks, and climb rocks.  I want to read books, and listen to music and write.  I want to show my kids the world, even if it's just the world in our little town.  I want to work and I want to play and I want to LIVE.

And I want to die.  Right fucking now.

Hope is what gets us through.  It is what we hold on to in desperation, when things get bad.  Hope that tomorrow (figuratively speaking) will be better.

But my tomorrow won't be better.  Indeed, my tomorrow is going to be worse.  And the day after that, and the day after that.  The things that concern me - the things that get me "down" - the things that I can't live with - they are all here to stay.  It's no longer a case of hanging around until the solution dawns upon thee - but of having to choose - live like this, or die.

I don't think I ask too much.  A little compassion.  A little respect.  Enough money for a roof over my head, food, health care.  I live in one of the most prosperous countries on Earth, or I wouldn't be arrogant enough to ask for this much.  Every day I have been able to, I've worked, and when I haven't been able to find employment, I've done volunteer work.  I've done the best I can.  I've been the best person I can.  I've stuffed up sure, but I've always apologised.  Made amends.  Done the best I can.

I TRIED.  I tried fuck it.  It's not like I didn't bust my arse, trying to make it work.

I can't do this any more.  Because deep down I'm still tortured by the past.  One liners that speak to forgetting the past are crap - it's not memories that you have to worry about.  It's the physical consequences.  And anyone who doesn't know what they are should just shut the fuck up about it.  Because one liners tend to lead to us feeling like crap for not being a fucking superhero and "getting over it".

I want life.  Just not this one.  Thanks, but this one is broken, and after 20ish years, I've realised that it just can't be repaired..  I'll be taking the refund.  There are no exchanges here.
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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Once Upon A Time... (SBS)

I missed "Once Upon A Time In Cabramatta" last week (a three part series shown on the SBS - the first episode can be found here for a limited time).  It is about the "drug war" in Cabramatta - and of course, the Vietnamese Australians who live there.

As I was looking at Twitter during the advertising, I noticed one unremarkable twit's comment which had been retweeted by another:

"I don't feel sorry for the parents when couldn't be bothered to learn English in 30 yrs they lived here"

OK - to be fair - I was brought up with this attitude.  Then for a while, I decided that it was racist, but as I didn't know why I thought it was racist, I just tried not to have an attitude at all.

Then I moved to a country where I knew not one word of their language, and I lived there for eighteen months.  And I can tell you a few things about that.

For starters - I doubt these parents do not know "any" English, but for sure I don't blame them one iota for not wanting to speak in English on television.  I know that if I had continued to live in Japan, there would never ever come a day when I would feel comfortable speaking in public in a language that was not my first.  It would just never happen.  Thus, I don't presume to know whether or not they speak English.  It's entirely possible they do.

In keeping with this twit's comment however, I'll move on as though they don't.

Language acquisition is a funny thing.  Most people do not understand that language is not learned by memory.  Language is learned in the first ten years of life, mostly in the first few years.  After THAT, language acquisition is memory.  Feel free to Google it to look up the specifics if you're interested.

This means that while it takes children a few years to learn a new language - they are essentially cheating.  Learning a new language is much harder for adults as we have to rely on memory to do so (at least, until we've practised enough to form new synapses from what I understand).  Each and every adult has a different memory capability.  My own memory can be clinically described as "up the fucking shit".  Which explains why in 18 months, despite buying a tonne of books and practising whenever I could, I learned no more Japanese than it took to get the very basic of basics (and not be swatted by taxi drivers intent on proper formalities - never again shall I say the shortened form of "thank you" to someone I am not familiar with).

And all that is without the added drama of wrapping your head around the fact that it's not just the different words - it's the different grammar!!!  It's not just replacing one word with a different word, but learning how to speak from scratch.

In other words - it's fucking hard if you are not that way inclined.

Thus, one issue with learning English once migrants arrive in Australia is one of technical capability - it is possible that no matter how hard they try, they will simply never acquire conversational English, let alone enough English to feel comfortable speaking in public in the language.

The other issue is one of morality.  I have been finding that white Australians bleat on about "multiculturalism" when in fact, what they want is "white culturalism, but I don't care if your skin is a different colour".

See, I see multiculturalism as being - you live the way you want to and I'll live the way I want to, and we'll visit each other and have fun learning about each other.  Perhaps I'll take some part of your culture into mine and perhaps you'll take some part of mine into yours, but what-the-fuck-ever-works.  In this definition, what language each person is speaking is not important.  Trust me - so long as you've got please and thank-you down pat - you can get by on the universal sign language of facial expressions and general gesture.

This twit has never met these people - so who the fuck cares what language they speak?  What is it to her?  For fucks sake, is compassion and empathy such a limited commodity, that regardless of what language they speak, a little can't be spared for parents whose son turned to drugs and dealing in order to escape a gut-wrenching poverty?

That, my dear, is racist.  Pure, simple, right down the line.  And THAT is at the heart, I imagine, of why such sad stories exist in this country.  It's not a drug problem - that is just the consequence.  It's a fucking racist problem.
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I paint...


Yes, I paint - badly.  And not often.  I suspect the two are related, though not necessarily.  Perhaps I would suck even with practice.

In any event, I like to paint.  It's relaxing, while at the same time, eventually, you get to accomplish something you can hold in your hand.

I have included pictures of two works in progress.  I'm not sure what to do about either of them.  The first one has an accident in the middle lol - and the second one is just - bleugh for now.  I think it has potential, but it needs something more and I'm not sure what.

Actually the first one needs something more too, but I think that one is something I have to figure out for myself...







Having a hobby such as this is good for mental health.  So is therapy.  And not necessarily art therapy :-P  That depends on the person!

Don't we all have the right to make the most of our lives?  To be given the tools to make the most of our lives, even if illness strikes us down and lays us flat out in a field of emptiness?  To have help, when we need it?


Linda Wemyss

- I am a person, and I paint
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